I recently found myself in a similar situation to the one that inspired me to start this blog. Once again, I waited eagerly to receive a job offer that would catapult me into an exciting new life. Once again, it didn’t come. Once again, I crumbled under the weight of my disappointments and fears. I cried out to God, Why are you doing this to me? Why won’t you give me this blessing? I need it!
I realized that I believed that God taught one-time lessons. That because I had once waited with faith for God to provide for me, that he would pat me on the back, say well done, and that would be the end of it. Check that lesson off the list, God, I got it. I had already learned that I should trust God with my future, hadn’t I? Did he really expect me to trust him through disappointment again?
Yes, of course, you silly child. I must always trust God to provide for me. I must never rely on my own strength or wisdom. How I so easily forget these truths! I praise God that he is merciful and gracious toward me. He will keep testing my faith even as I protest. He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion (Phil. 1:6). And I bless him for that, again, even through my pain and confusion.
I must learn that faith is a daily action. I must learn that some lessons have to be repeated, over and over, to help my forgetful human mind remember. In fact, as my faith continues to stretch and grow, it is likely that God will see fit to put my faith through more and greater trials, not less.
Human nature longs for rest after exertion. After my faith was stretched to the breaking point, I wanted to rest, to live a life of ease and blessing again. I was too tired to be tested again. Yet that is not a biblical view of the life of faith.
Jesus said, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matt. 11: 28-30).
Jesus will give me rest, but the rest he speaks of is not like human rest. It is not a rest of giving up, of living free of responsibilities or work or trials. In order to rest, Jesus wants me to take on his yoke, a new burden. He wants me to actively learn from him and to follow him on the long journey of faith, with obedience and total surrender. This yoke is nowhere near my human idea of rest. It is a difficult life, full of pain and suffering. After one trial is finished, another quickly follows. Yet somehow I can find that this yoke is easy and light, because Jesus is pulling with me. He never expects me to carry the burdens in my own strength, but in his, until the refining of my faith is completed. That way, all the glory is God’s, as it should be.
So I will bow my head under Jesus’ yoke and continue to trust that God will provide for me. I will continue to wait, believing in God’s unfailing wisdom and love toward me. As my pastor recently reminded our church, Noah waited faithfully for decades to see the fulfillment of God’s promise when he brought the flood. As for me, it was only months before I questioned God again. God, I don’t see you working yet! Are you sure you really have a plan for my life? I forgot that God’s timing is not my timing, and that his ways are above my ways.
I am as stubborn as the disciples sometimes. But I have hope that God will be as patient with me as he was with them as he continues to teach me.
